A Little Down, A Little More Up

Less than a month.  Til' we get MARRIED!!!!!!!!  I've been wedding insane for a while now, and I am just all over the place.  I lost 1.4 lbs last week, but I gained 2.6 this week.  I was pumped last week and I'm disappointed this week.  But, my dress fits.  That is very important.  We have about a month to go, and I have a bachelorette party to attend, another wedding to attend, and just all around a ton to do.  Sooooooo I have many occasions where I can't eat healthy, so I should be eating healthy every chance I get.  Right?  You'd think, but NO.  We haven't gone grocery shopping in over a week, and I ate popcorn for breakfast yesterday.  What is happening to me?  I can start fresh today though.  It's gonna be salad time at lunch, and sushi for dinner.  Healthy breakfast/lunch tomorrow, and then... a wedding tomorrow night.  But I've gotta stay on track, because no way is September 7th rolling around and my dress isn't zipping up.  That is NOT happening.  So here's to lettuce, I love you.

Last week: -1.4 lbs
This week: +2.6 lbs
Total 2013: -11.2 lbs  (blarg!!)

Celebrating Every Goal

Post Thankgsiving- one of my favorite pics of Tallboy and my Grandpa

I did it!  I reached Goal #2- 10 lbs off!  10.8 to be exact.  I feel like I've been on a bit of a plateau these last few weeks, and I'm happy to reach this milestone.  Not huge, considering how close I've been for weeks, but I feel like I broke through some sort of barrier.  I'm at the point in my weight loss where clothes I've been wanting to fit into for a while fit again, and I look/feel good in them.

Next goal: 15 lbs. 

I have, however, been fighting the urge to dive head first into a box of Samoas- the Girl Scouts are out, full force around here/emotions are high- not a good combo.  My Grandpa broke his hip on Tuesday, had a partial replacement yesterday, and is recovering in the hospital now.  It's extra tough on him- he's 91, so everything is that much harder.  I'm really trying not to eat my feelings here, but I've been really worried about him the last few days.  So far, everything is going the best it can, given the circumstances. 

This week: -1.6 lbs
Total 2013: -10.8 lbs

I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Dog Gone It, People Like Me

I was thinking this morning that I'd love to not have to count calories.  That's my goal after getting to a healthy weight- to know the right amount of fuel for my body, without having to write down every bite that I take.  It's a nice dream, but I know from past experience that once I stop journaling, I almost immediately gain back whatever I've lost.  I'm not trying to turn this into some sort of Debbie Downer post today- I just think sometimes we have to acknowledge that our natural state of willpower or appetite isn't what anyone elses is.  Are there tons of people out there happy with their bodies (no matter what weight/state they're in)- yes.  Do all of them religiously write down everything they eat?  Probably not.  I mean- when I workout- I use not one, but two devices to keep track of the calories I burn.  A FitBit, a glorified pedometer, and a Polar Heart Rate Monitor, to more accurately keep track of the calories I burn during non-cardio exercises like weight lifting, that a FitBit can't really track.  It's a little ridiculous.  But I do it, because it works for me.  I don't think anyone would say I have a problem or a disorder, but that's probably because I'm an overweight woman actively trying to lose weight.  To get healthy.  On the other hand, if I were 50 pounds thinner and using the same amount of devices and constantly talking and thinking about the amount of calories I took in and expended during the day, I'd probably get labeled as someone who has an eating disorder.  It's a very fine line to walk, and I'm not really sure how to walk it sometimes.

I wish I wasn't constantly thinking about food in an unhealthy way- I'm writing this blog and working out for the single purpose of being 'healthy.'  But when does it cross the line from trying to get in shape to an all consuming thought of not being good/healthy/skinny/fit enough?

I am aware that not everyone is born with the same body shape.  It's not like women are born as leggy, thin, toned beings and then choose to morph into whatever shape we become- we all KNOW that we're different shapes.  So why aren't different shapes generally accepted as being good?  I have friends who are in amazing shape- they are mindful about what they eat, they exercise, they're GOOD to themselves- and YET- they don't feel like they're beautiful or meet the norms of what they "should" look like.  Why can't we just be happy by knowing we're doing right by ourselves and this is how we're SUPPOSED to look?  It's extremely frustrating to both know that this is my body shape, it will be for life- I'm not going to shape my muscles and bones into a completely different structure no matter how hard I try.  So why isn't just eating healthy and working out good enough for me?  I feel great when I'm workout out regularly and eating healthy.  But when I'm not at my 'goal weight' it starts to creep in that I'm not doing enough and maybe I'll never be able to do enough to reach my goal, so fuck it.  What a terrible attitude to have.  But that's probably why I keep gaining the weight back.  Because I can't be happy with a small victory- I feel the need to attain impossible goals.  I might as well be mad at myself for not having grown an additional two inches during the process as well.

So, after this long, weird, rant- this is my goal for the week: Don't get mad at yourself for achieving small victories.  They're victories, after all, and they should be celebrated.  I'm down a little at the scale this week, but even better than that, I dug down and found the will power to exercise more than usual this past week.  I'm getting stronger, and that's awesome.  I was disappointed this morning that I *only* lost .4 lbs from last week- but it's the right direction.  Don't beat yourself up.

This week: -.4 lbs
Total 2013: -9.2 lbs

The First Backslide of the Year

I knew it would happen eventually, but here we are, one week into February, and I backslid already.  I am GOING to be okay with this, and keep on going.  What can I say.  It happened, I've acknowledged it, and I'm moving on.

Tough weeks, be damned!  I have an amazing life, and rough spots happen to everyone.  So, short story short, I gained this week.  1.4 lbs.  So boo, that sucks, now I'll start paying a little more attention.  I also only worked out like once last week.  So, that's that.  What a crappy blog post!

Weekly goal: To really think about the food I'm about to eat- not just decide in the moment.  Have healthy foods on hand to combat unhealthy snacking.

This week: +1.4 lbs
Total 2013: -6.6 lbs

A Rough Week

Turns out Buster wears a 24 Month size onesie.

Wow, this week has not been easy.  This is my weight in post, so up front, I lost, and that's something.  Especially for this week.  STRESS!  Buster went into the vet on Monday to get his teeth cleaned and a few removed... turns out he has the worst teeth ever.  They removed 7 teeth, but then also found out that his screwed up boy parts are even worse than we thought.  This is something I've known about since he was little, but the vet always said that as long as he could pee, that it wasn't something to worry about.  Now that they did a little poking around, turns out he'll be needing another surgery to fix what's wrong with him.  Unless I drew you a picture or showed you an x-ray, it's an impossible situation to explain, so just trust that it's weird and screwed up, and Buster was born with a VERY unusual anatomy. 

So, he went in on Monday morning, happy as a clam, and when I picked him up Monday evening he looked like death warmed over.  I think that's usual when dogs go under anesthesia.  But Tuesday, he still wasn't eating or drinking, so I had to take him BACK to the vet, and they injected some fluids.  He started pepping up a little Wednesday, and today he's almost back to the Buster we know and love.  He now has no front teeth, and has to wear a baby onesie so he doesn't pick at his stitches on his belly.  He's a mess.  I've been a mess this whole week.  You all know that I'm insanely obsessed with my dog, he's basically my hairy child.

On top of all that, we've been watching my parents' dog, Arnie, a 120-lb Irish Wolfhound.  He's a teddy bear, but caring for a huge dog in your small house while you're worried beyond belief for your own puppy, it's just a lot.  Whew.  Glad to get that off my chest. 

Anyways, the best news of the week is that for right now, Buster is doing way better.  The crappy news is that he'll have to go back under the knife at some point in the near future, for a much riskier, much more unusual surgery.  Boo.

So, I lost a pound this week, which is great, considering I usually just eat ice cream and drink wine when I'm stressed/depressed.  High five, self, for not eating your feelings!  But don't worry, while I was busy NOT stress eating, Buster did get a lot of treats.   Especially Peanut Butter, that's his favorite.

So far, this year is going well in the weight loss department, 8 lbs down in the month of January!

This week: - 1.0 lb
Total 2013: -8.0 lbs

Tackling the Usual Road Blocks

My view flying into LGA

I'm doing my weigh in post a few days late, since we left for NYC on Thursday (my normal weigh in day.)  The first week of the year went incredibly well.  I lost 4 lbs (!!!!) in the first week.  I know the last couple pounds really came on quickly, so I wasn't super suprised when they dropped off quickly too.

Now- how did my traveling experience go?  Better than usual-  I ate well for breakfast and lunch each day, but dinner and drinks were another thing.  BUT- I still wrote everything down.  Which, truly, is a first for me.  Even on Sunday night, I ate a balanced, healthy dinner.  Usually when returning from a trip where I go overboard on the food, I tend to continue the unhealthy eating until at least Monday morning.  Small steps- and ones I'm very proud of.  My weigh in this morning was still higher than expected, but I have until Thursday morning to see where it really got me.

We walked so much- I logged almost 10,000 steps Thursday, almost 15,000 Friday, and over 18,000 on Saturday!  I didn't drink the normal amount of water, so that amount of walking, coupled with increased salt intake probably made me bloat up a little, but I'll spend this week rectifying that.  Getting back on track immediatly might just be my life saver this time.

Overall, it was a great trip, and while I wish I had not indulged quite as much as I did- I still feel like I was in more control than usual when I travel.

The best part of the trip?  Snuggles with TallBoy's new niece- who will soon be my niece as well!

Week 1: -4.0 lbs
Total 2013: -4.0 lbs

Starting the Year Off Right

Last trip to NYC

We're a week into January, 2013.  I'm feeling great- we're progressing really well on wedding planning, (I got THE dress this weekend!!!), I've been eating well and have cut way back on the booze front.  I'm working up to my first real challenge of the year- a weekend trip to NYC.  Last year and this year TallBoy have gotten each other the same gift- a weekend getaway to New York.  This year we're really excited to meet his brand new niece (the big reason we're going); but we're also looking forward to seeing the sights and taking in some nostalgia for him.  TallBoy used to live there, so we go and visit all his old haunts and eat at his favorite places.  It's always a good time, but even with all the walking we do, I never offset the amount of food I take in.  Every single trip I take, it's hard for me to get over the 'vacation' mentality- that I can eat whatever and drink whatever I want because I'm on vacation.  I've been mentally prepping for this trip for a week now.  I know what I want to do- splurge on one or two meals, but don't let every meal be an indulgence.  Have a few drinks but don't go overboard.  Moderation, moderation, moderation.  I don't expect to lose weight this weekend, but I do hope I can at least stay somewhat on track and maybe maintain?  I'm aware that it's just three days, but you can really do a lot of damage over the course of three days.  I have my first session of my Wellness Tracks Masters Class on Wednesday, so I'm hoping that will give me some inspiration to stay on track for the weekend.  Plus, I've got this whole week to really be GOOD to myself.  Here's to facing and defeating hurdles!

So This Is The New Year...

And I don't feel any different.

That being said, I have about a thousand new years resolutions this year.  I always have a lot, and this year is no different.  However.  I do realize that I have got to start approaching things much differently.  The biggest achievement that I can say I made in 2012 is how I've learned to love taking amazing care of my teeth.  My dental health?  Through the roof.  I hated flossing before, and so instead of making myself floss every night and hate it, I bought a Waterpik and love using it every night.  I had a problem, knew I needed a different way to solve it, and did.  Even the dentist was impressed.  Let me tell you, there is almost no better feeling than having your dentist tell you how amazing your teeth and gums look.

Last January, I talked about how I had learned a lot of good new habits in 2011, and 2012 would be the year of continuing good habits.  That happened, for about 7 months.  I could go on and on with excuses, but when all is said and done, very few of those 'habits' actually stuck with me.  Unfortunately, I gained back any of the weight I lost, and am back at square one.  I'm not giving up- I just need to find a better way to go about this.  I know it's still about eating healthy and exercising, so I need to make those habits in the same way that brushing my teeth and putting face lotion on- I need to make them second nature.  I need eating healthy to be a habit in a way that if I choose the wrong thing, I'll immediately feel the need to correct.  Like when you skip brushing your teeth, you feel gross.  I need to feel that way about healthy food. 

TallBoy and I made a long list of New Year's resolutions and I'm hanging it on the cabinet.  I'm scraping my current weight loss log and starting over- making small, incremental goals.  My first goal of the year?  To lose 5 lbs.  Not a lot, but it's a start in the right direction.  2013 should be an amazing year, and I want my weight loss to be a part of that.  Here's to making small changes that can really add up.

Happy New Year!

And The Good News Is...

There is no good news!  I gained again this week- took last week off to go out of town for a wedding, and was at another wedding the week before.  All this celebrating, time in the car, booze, etc., has really got me up on the scale.  It was almost embarrassing at WW this week- there was another Heather who apparently lost 1.2 lbs this week, and the leader announced that and congratulated me... and I had to correct her in front of everyone, that I indeed did NOT lose any weight this week, in fact, I gained 2.2 lbs.  I didn't even log my food, really, for the past week and a half.  Guess what?  It shows.

Day to day, I've been in a pretty good place- happy, excited, lots of stuff going on.  That's great.  It is, however, disappointing to weigh in, and find that you've gained, yet again.  We aren't going out of town this weekend, so I'm going to start with a small goal- just keep track of everything I eat this weekend.  Every.  Last.  Bite.  That's it.  Hopefully that will start to curb my bad habits and start forming some new, good ones. 

I can't say this came as a shock or surprise- I knew re-joining WW in the beginning of September this year would be hard- inundated with weddings, wedding planning, and soon!  a trip to Denver for the Great American Beer Festival- none of which lend themselves to healthy eating- but hopefully the damage is a little more controlled than it would've been had I just been flying solo.

Here's to a good weekend, and keeping myself in check.

This week: +2.2 lbs
Total: -4.4 lbs

This Month Is A Problem.

There's no easy way to say it.  And I certainly did NOT want to blog about this.  But I feel like I have to, I need to be accountable or it will just continue.  Weigh-in's have gone from bad to worse.  I didn't blog last week due to my gain, and I wasn't going to again this week... but I have to.  I've gained another 1.8 lbs in the past two weeks.  That means in the past month, I've gained back 4 lbs.  It's incredibly depressing, frustrating, and totally my fault.  I've been exercising less and eating more.  It's exactly the right way to gain weight.  I've said this many times before, and I'll say it again, but I have so much trouble keeping myself on the right track in the summer.  It's so frustrating, because I KNOW this.  I've known it for years, and yet every summer I gain weight.  It happened last summer, the year before, and probably every other year of my life.  I can't seem to break the summer cycle.  So many events and trips planned- even when I plan on eating healthy, it seems to go out the window.  We're out of town every other weekend, which means just one more class I can't go to on Saturday morning.

I even purchased weights/weight bench, etc, and I haven't really even used it yet.  I need to get back on the wagon, and soon.

This week: +1.8 lbs
This year: -2.4 lbs
Total: -12.0 lbs

Blurg!

Buster's all "Mom, put down that donut!"

See how I've been doing my weigh-in's on Fridays lately?  It's because I'm trying desperately to not log my Thursday weights, because they've been too high.  I gained again this week and I know exactly why- my gym time has dropped lately and my food intake has gone up.  It's not really a surprise that I've logged gains the past two weeks, but it is disappointing.  Weekends tend to be really tough for me, especially during the summer.  I wish I could condition my brain into thinking that margaritas and guacamole DON'T taste awesome when you eat them on a patio.

I'll be hitting my Saturday groove class for the first time in like a month tomorrow- summer is so hard to squeeze in weekend workouts.  I'm pretty sure TallBoy and I have almost every weekend planned through the end of September.  I just gotta be better during the week- I've really been slacking in that department.  I did take a TRX class yesterday for the first time- HOLY COW it was so hard.  I'd love to continue taking those classes... but they're an extra $15 each, which is like half of my monthly gym membership alone.  I might try to start taking more weight classes soon.

I know all the tips/tricks to get through parties, etc- I'm just not actually applying them.  Here's hoping I can will power my way through this weekend.

This week: +.4 lbs
This year: -4.2 lbs
Total: -13.8 lbs

The Past Few Weeks

Hey blog- long time no see.  The past few weeks have been an unfortunate series of events, starting with my grandfather falling ill, and ending, with his death on May 6th.  These past two weeks have been filled with a lot of tears, a lot of sadness, but also joy in celebrating his life.  He was the kind of guy that got knocked down repeatedly and got back up, time and time again.  He lived life until the very end- just six weeks ago he was in California, visiting his army buddy.  He drove out to the Grand Canyon and took a helicopter to the bottom. At 85!!  He traveled, he loved his family, he was a tough old bird.  It was his time, and he knew it.

With all of this happening, The Cleveland Dilemma has been the last thing on my mind.  I've treated my body pretty poorly the last few weeks, and I'm paying for it.  Starting today, I'll be reintroducing my body to vegetables and exercise and trying to stay away from the pizza and wine for a little bit.

My grandpa always said that Life Goes On.  So it will, for us, without him.  Grandpa- you will be missed. 

And now, back to our regularly scheduled (sort-of) posts.

Eating Your Feelings

Woof.  The last two weeks have been rough to say the least.  To fill you in on what's going on- my grandfather had a kidney removed on Tuesday to try and squash some cancer he had growing on it- bad news is, they weren't able to get all of the cancer.  SO.  I've been back and forth to the hospital, no time to cook, no time to blog.  Life has equaled work/hospital/family stuff, and that's about it.  Emotionally, it's been really hard for me and my family- dealing with everything that comes with bad news.  Not only is he close to me as a relative, but he's also the founder of the company I work for.  My sister and I are his only grandchildren.  This news has been devastating.

I've spent a few evenings at home on the couch with TallBoy, a pint of Ben and Jerry's, Buster, and a bottle of wine.  Coping.  It's hard to see anyone you love be in pain and not be able to do anything about it.  So I've been skipping the gym, and eating a lot.  I know it's bad for me, it makes me feel worse and not better- and somehow I can't stop.  I'm going to squeeze in a class at the gym tonight- I think it'll help me take my mind off of things for an hour, so I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm up a little again this week, but I'm going to try coping with some new workouts if I can fit them in, and not with food.  Although I can guarantee I'll have at least one scoop of ice cream this weekend.

This week: +.4 lbs
This year: -4.6 lbs
Total: -14.2 lbs

It's Going To My Head!

I'll be honest, hearing "whatever you're doing, it's WORKING"- is awesome.  It feels so good to hear because I've been working really hard.  I've even noticed certain things that used to take a lot of talking myself into (like ordering healthy food at a restaurant, or working out when I get home) are much easier to do.  However, I can feel myself slipping sometimes. 

The other times I've lost weight I usually get to this point (right about where I am right now) that I get really proud of how I look and feel, and get reaaaaaaaal comfortable.  Comfortable- not always a good thing.  Usually I don't really realize it; get back on the eat and drink whatever I want train and gain the weight back. 

This past weekend, I attended a fish fry, a birthday dinner, and Easter dinner.  I ate with reckless abandon.  Today it showed on the scale.  So what am I going to do?  Kick up the veggies.  Eat less, exercise more.  That's what works, and that's what I'm going to do.  I'm committed this time to keeping it off, not losing and gaining over and over again.

This blog post is more for me than you, dear reader- but I just needed to get it out there- this blog helps me keep accountable!

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

In unrelated news, Buster's still cute.

Did I just quote that Paula Abdul song?  The one with Skat Kat in the video?  I sure did.  I know I literally JUST did a post about how this whole thing isn't just about weight loss; but I gained this week, and I was really disappointed this morning.  I have exercised and ate well since my last weigh in, and yet I still gained this week.  I think part of it is a hold over from St. Patrick's day- (we don't always gain or lose weight immediately)- but now I just have to keep on keepin' on.  I just hate how losing weeks always tend to be a half pound or so, and gaining weeks tend to be over a pound.  It just seems cruel.

Now that my COSE Wellness Tracks program is over, now it's up to me to continue on eating healthy and exercising on my own.  I'm inspired enough about how much my body has changed for the better over the last year that I know I can do it.  And a slow journey in the right direction is better than a quick loss and then a continued gain. 

Good luck getting that song out of your head ;)

This week: +1.2 lbs
This year: -3.6 lbs
Total: -13.2 lbs

The Secret to Weight Loss

via Say Something Posters

Proper nutrition and exercise.  I've known this for roughly forever, and yet- sometimes I guess we just need to be reminded.  If there was a magic pill with no side effects that let me eat whatever I wanted, and still lose weight?  I would totally take that.  But unfortunately, that does not exist.  So until that's invented and it doesn't turn us into zombies, I'll just stick with diet and exercise.  I got the reminder I needed last week when I met with my nutritionist that even though I'm at a calorie deficit during the week, and feeding my body right; the weekends are putting me over the top.  If three out of seven days are spent blowing through calories, the other four are just catch up days.  That's why I've been stagnant for so long. 

This past weekend I kept it (mostly) under control.  I still led my life, (went to a party on Friday) but exercised more over the weekend.  I ate fairly sensibly on Saturday and Sunday.  I know this upcoming weekend will be a challenge, but I'll be meeting it head on.  I've been sick all week and therefore haven't clocked enough exercise time.  That in and of its self will make this weekend harder, but I've been eating well all week and preparing mentally.  Again, this journey is about learning and making permanent changes- and I feel as though I've made a lot of good decisions for my health in the last year.

This week, I'm down, but didn't quite undo the damage I did the week before.  So here goes another week, fighting the good fight.

I'm adding in a new stat for my weekly weigh in- since I've been at this for over a year, I'm going to also log my weight loss stats for this year since my yearly weigh-in in January.

This week: -1.6 lbs
This year: -2.0 lbs
Total: -11.6 lbs

Back To My Old Tricks...

Creepy, right?

Happy Belated Valentine's Day!  Since today is weigh in day, and I haven't posted in about two weeks, you should know now that it isn't looking good.  I yelled at my scale this morning.  I wish yelling at the scale made the pounds drop off, but we don't live in a perfect world.  I'm always talking about how stress affects my eating habits, and this week/weekend was no different. 

TallBoy and I went to the Cincy Beer Festival, to pour beer for The Brew Kettle.  I knew this was coming for a while, and had planned on trying some new beers and indulging a little bit, but Friday morning came with a panicked-stress-in-my-face type of morning.  By the time we got to Cincinnati, I was eating a donut burger.  Yes, you read that right.  It was a cheeseburger, with a donut for a bun.  Followed by copious amounts of pizza, beer, more pizza, and then Skittles and Doritos.  Saturday and Sunday were much of the same.  I got it back under control (kind of) by Monday, and then Tuesday was Valentine's Day.  Which I won't even delve into, because our meal was AMAZING, homemade, and I don't regret it.  I just wish it hadn't been preceded by a ton of junk food over the weekend.

Yeah, our Valentine's Day was amazing

I was chatting with one of my co-workers the other day, and I was telling her now that I've been eating fairly cleanly for a long time, that when I do indulge in fast food pizza (think Papa John's/Marco's) or other 'bad' foods, it makes me feel physically ill.  Papa John's now makes me feel like I've got a touch of the flu- I don't sleep well, and my stomach tends to feel bad for at least a day afterwards.  I know when I eat these foods that I won't feel well (which is why I don't do it that often), but I still do it.  I boggle my own mind.  Or maybe I just love pizza too much.  She was saying that she feels sick too, but kind of relishes the feeling- it means our bodies are no longer used to these types of foods and are basically rejecting them as fuel for our bodies.  Which is a good way to think about it, I guess, but I wish it made it easier to say NO to these foods.  I guess I'm learning.

So, here we are at weigh in; up again.  I have my 'mid-term' with my nutritionist this evening, and I have to tell him that in the month and a half since I started this wellness program, I haven't lost any weight.  I've just been losing and gaining the same three pounds.  Granted, I've started lifting weights and have been varying my workouts, but it's very discouraging.  I need a better way to deal with stress than food. 

This week: +2.2 lbs
Total: -10.0 lbs

A Good Sign

Well, something in the last week shook loose.  Specifically, 1.6 lbs.  Oddly enough, I dropped a little over 2 lbs the first day after severly reducing my carbohydrate intake, and then maintained that over the course of the week, and then added an additional .4 lbs on Tuesday.  I actually scooted back my weigh in day until this morning in the hopes that I'd be able to move it back down, but to no avail.  This week was rough, but not as bad as I thought.  Friday and Saturday I felt mildly like I had the flu- much less energy, headachy, etc- but my nutritionist said anytime you make a big diet change that's bound to happen.  However, I didn't really crave carbs this week the way I thought I would.  I'm not really sure what the next step is to this, my nutritionist said to just try and keep my carb count below 100g per day.  That's good news for me, because now I can start incorporating more high carb fruit and veggies back into my diet- I really need to be getting in way more fiber than I have been this week.  Still no refined carbs, but I think that's for the best.  I think I'll try my hardest to keep those out of my diet as much as possible, since they're basically just pure sugar.  Don't get me wrong, I'll still have cookies every now and then- but I'll try and get a handle on really limiting what processed carbohydrates are entering my body. 

That being said- I ate Jimmy John's for dinner (no choice- had a family emergency) and ordered the "unwich" which is basically the stuffing of a sandwich wrapped up in lettuce.  Let me tell you WHY Jimmy John's tastes so good normally- it's all bread and mayo.  The rest of the stuff is REALLY unsatisfying.  Reason #4562302 that cooking at home is better.  My cooking is way better than "healthy" crap at restaurants.  No wonder I have trouble when it comes to dining out.

This week: -1.6 lbs
Total: -12.2 lbs

Since I reached my 12 lb goal- next up is 16 lbs!

Back to the Drawing Board

How I'd Like to Feel

I've been really frustrated with this plateauing.  I talked with my nutritionist last night about it, and we went over my food journals for the last month, and she seemed almost confused as I am.  I'm eating within the right range of calories and getting in the right type of nutrients, and I'm still at a stand still.  (*despite my angry/rambling post on Tuesday, one spiked day shouldn't throw my entire good week off they way it seems to be doing.)  She thinks I need to shake it up a bit, so for the next week, I'm going to severely restrict carbohydrates.  Starting with today, my week will look like this:

Thursday- 50g Carbohydrates
Friday- 50 g Carbohydrates
Saturday- 75 g Carbohydrates
Sunday- 75 g Carbohydrates
Monday- 100 g Carbohydrates
Tuesday- 150 g Carbohydrates

This is a big change up for me, as I usually view a day with less than 100 g of carbs as a really low day already- typically even 100g would not allow for any bread.  So basically, for the next week, any bread/oatmeal/rice etc is out of the question.  This will be especially hard, because with such a limited amount of carbs, how am I going to get in the right amount of fiber?  Things that I would usually eat: bananas, apples, beans, and quinoa are all really high in carbohydrates.   My food intake today will consist of eggs, meat, lettuce, yogurt, strawberries, avocado and chili (made with ground turkey and beans).  Even that is slightly over my allotment of carbohydrates.  I was told to stay between 1300-1600 calories per day, but with this low amount of carbs, I'm finding it difficult to even reach 1300 calories.  I know something needs to be shaken up in my diet, so I'm going to try this, keep a close eye on how I'm feeling, and track the results. 

This week: +1.2
Total: -10.6

I have made up what my reward will be when I reach my goal- an hour long massage!  I haven't gotten one in forever, and it's hard to justify normally.  (A good massage is NOT cheap!)  But I think that would be an excellent goal reward!

Recognizing Your Weaknesses

via

I'm at the point in my life where I have done a lot to educate myself on nutrition, I'm learning more and more about fitness, and yet- I'm stuck because I refuse to have one weekend where I eat well the entire time.  I know what you're all saying (the same thing TallBoy says to me): it's the weekend!  Pizza's okay on the weekend, as long as you don't eat it during the week!  My nutritionist even told me that when I showed her my food diaries last week.  That could be true, if I were trying to maintain.  But I'm not.  I'm actively trying to lose and I keep sabotaging my progress.

During the week- I eat healthy.  I mean, really, really healthy.  I'm so good about watching my food intake, getting in the right nutrients, going to the gym, etc.  Even on Saturdays, most of the time I'll make it to a Group Groove class at the gym, write down all my food, and eat healthy most of the day... but then, Saturday night comes.  Which is fine, because I exercised and ate healthy all day.  But THEN Sunday morning comes.  Let me just write out what I ate this past Sunday:

Breakfast: pancakes, bacon, maple syrup, coffee. 
Snack: The rest of the pancakes.
Lunch: Half of a frozen pizza from Heinen's.
Snack: Made a batch of no-bake cookies.  I ate half of it, TallBoy ate the rest.
Dinner: (not that I was hungry, mind you- I was STUFFED. And yet... I ate again anyways.)  Plain noodles with butter and Lawry's seasoning salt.
Throughout the day- a bottle of Framboise Lambic.  

I added it up- it was 3,000 plus calories of mostly refined carbs.  Guess how much exercise I did? Zilch.  I barely moved off the couch.

Now, lazy days every once in a while are fine- everyone needs a break.  But this is my Sunday.  Every week.  This is my problem.  I know what I'm doing is wrong.  Even when I got out the ingredients to make no-bake cookies, I said to myself... WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? And I went ahead and made them anyways.

I spend Sunday destroying the progress I've made during the week, and then spend the rest of the week trying to recover and maybe just *maybe* lose a tiny bit more.  I'm making this so much harder on myself than I need to, just because I have this voice telling me, it's okay!  You earned it!  But I haven't yet.  I guess I'm just pissed off and disgusted by myself today, angry that I'm on this plateau because of my self-sabotage.  I know the only way out of it is to just power through, but it's so hard.  My nutritionist told me that addictions to sugar and fat are literally just as hard to break as addictions to hard drugs, and while I've thankfully never been addicted to heroin, I love white flour and butter.  A lot.